My Head…… It Plays Tricks on Me!

Tonight was very special.  Mike and I have spent the last two days, side by side.  Some of what we needed to do was routine, some ordinary, some terrifying.  Most of that though, is really fodder for a seperate post, which I will need to write at a later time.  Last night, my brain was fried.  I could literally feel the stress and the blood pressure rising, which was not all that comfortable considering I’ve been sick with some weird head-cold/laryngitis thing for a week or more now.  Believe me, you do NOT want to combine all those symptoms in one head!  So, I thought I wanted to turn in early.  I went to bed and left Mike awake in the living room (which in our house is completely unheard of – It’s usually the other way around).  While I laid in bed, my head did it’s own thing and freaked me out.  Never leave a stressed me alone with my thoughts.  It’s scary I tell ya.  Before long, all I wanted was to feel Mike next to me.  So I got up, took something for my nerves (left over from my Chemo days) and downed some decongestion/cough liquid medicine and curled up next to him on the sofa for a while.  Deep down I really wanted to make love to him, but I knew I would fall apart in his arms if we tried.  At that particular moment, it just would’ve been a wrong move.  I finally fell asleep and got a fairly decent night out of the deal.  I woke this morning still feeling apprehensive but much better.

Today, we ran more errands, including some grocery/christmas shopping (yeah, I know Im insane, but damn only 8 weeks people! lol) at Wal-Mart.  We came home and cooked a nice meal together (teryaki chicken wings, oven roasted fries and a wedge salad – yummmmmy).  We snuggled down and watched a movie.  And then, that sex that I wanted last night?  We got us some!  It was special sex, deep and moving.  It was intimate and primal.  It was the kind that brings two people together when they need it most, not just physically but emotionally too.  I think I can safely say that I’ve probably had more mind blowing orgasms before, but the intimacy level of this sex was something I don’t think we’ve experienced in a very long time.  So much so that the unthinkable happened and shook me deeply.  Just as Mike entered me, everything seemed so incredible and almost perfect that I actually thought “This is it!  This will be the time when we conceive!”  Oddly enough, even though I was completely shaken once the brief high of that statement sank to new lows within my head, I WAS able to shake it off and regroup and continue on with amazing clarity and drive.  After everything was said and done, I told him what happened and shed a few tears, and we held one another. 

Can anyone tell me what the frig just happened?  Was the sex just so intimate that I lost my mind? Did I think that because the love was just as intense as my desire for a child? Did I just FORGET? WTF People?  Can someone please, for the love of all things non-psychotic, please tell me why my mind decided to take leave of it’s senses and play tricks on my emotions that way? 

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?